I have meant to write each day until the 11th of next month. Just to get more posts on my site and to then afterward only post a few times a month since I will be very busy with college. For the past several days I have suffered a migraine and have been in bed. Today, I am doing much better and need to catch up. My goal is to have a significant amount of reading material for everyone. A mi of Avon, makeup, beauty, and I would love to tart adding in woman who made their mark in the beauty industry as well as some posts on inspiration. We all need that. My blog/website is primarily about Avon but I can’t always write about that. I would run out of topics that weren’t about products and reviews. Speaking of reviews, I should be able to have a fresh one for everyone sometime at the beginning of next month. I would like to cover lip tattoos and a new set of lip gloss coming out in a few campaigns.
Life is meant to have moments that shape you. The make you who you are now and we are always being molded either by choice or not. But it’s the ones that we don’t have control over that can have a deep impact on our lives. Each person has their own experiences. But that doesn’t keep us from being able to share and understand each other. Or even to say, “I’ve been there.” Our life-changing experiences we do hope to use to help others who may be somewhere you have been or somewhere you hope they may never have to go.
Today I want to share 5 life-changing experiences I have had that shaped who I am today. While not feeling well I was able to brain storm a few things. Now, much of the time the small happenings in life are what impact us the most. This post has some of that as well as more major events. I hope to hear from people about any events in their lives that changed them for better or worse. Mine go over the better outcomes. I do have a few that changed me for worse but I would like to keep on the bright side for now. I would like to pre-apologize for any family that reads this. I do mention a few things from that past and hope not to offend. After all, I do share this site with family.
The Aftermath of My Parent’s Divorce
I was very young when my parent’s broke up. I don’t remember much before the age of . . . six I believe. And even now a few things are fading in my memory. I was about one year of age when they broke up. I wont go into why. That’s far too personal. But at around age four my parents argued over me. It lasted for many years. It’s not something any child should go through. So much happened. I moved a lot. I saw and heard things I vowed to not have my kids experience. I recall this one day saying that someday I would learn the whole story. I was very young and I knew I knew nothing of the whole story but I knew it was being kept from me. The way this changed my life has both good ad bad consequences. The bad was that I was scarred by it all and later on I would learn in anger management class, yes I have taken anger management under my own will not by court order, that I was unknowingly making choices about the men I would later marry that weren’t good choices. The marriages were abusive, not so much physically but I think they could have ended up that way. I wasn’t given a good example of how parents should interact. I don’t know how my parents were when they were married. The stories I have heard but its a different experience to actually remember it. I do know how they after after divorce. It lead to my choices later on and also lead to the result of those choices as well. As a parent now I did keep to my promise of how my kids would experience the aftermath of my two divorces. It’s not perfect by any means. My childrens experiences are far different than my own but they wont be affected the ay I was. At least I hope. I also have learned how far it affected my life and what that all meant and how I can change the pattern. It’s not something one recovers from easily. The good result was at a very young age I had an idea of how to not model how I interact with my exes in front of my kids. I do try my best to not say things I shouldn’t. It’s shocking the things you take in as a child that you remember telling yourself to remember and then actually doing it. It rarely happens I think to be that aware of being aware as a child because many things are on a subconcious level.
Being Told to “Let it Be” During a Camping Trip
Oh, the significance of a camping trip. Fun memories, interacting with family (or friends but I haven’t had that luxury) and being in nature away from society.
It has been years since I have gone camping. Since before I had kids so roughly over 17 years. Out of all the camping trips I remember, it was one of the last ones I had that left a lesson to be learned.
My dad was at the very beginning of a new relationship after his second divorce. I am not sure but I think it was maybe the second year into his relationship and I was camping with him, my now former step mother, I think my brother was there, and my aunt and uncle. Many kids don’t take to having a new woman in their parents life. Or man, but actually I took rather well to my second step-father. But the experiences of my father’s second divorce affected me a lot. I went from living with my father to living with my mother. They lived in separate states. I visited my dad in the summer every year until freshman year I think. At this point I was in middle school. I knew who the new woman he was dating was. In fact it was during my father’s divorce that I met her. They had known each other for many years. But I wasn’t wanting a new step mom, a second one, at this point. I had just lived with my mom then (again) for a year and I was still processing what had happened the year before. Another life-changing event I actually don’t cover in this post. I was feeing a bit angry and said something to my uncle who turned to me and said, “You may not like who your dad is with. But he is happy. You need to learn to accept that and just get on with it.” Now I am technically paraphrasing. I don’t remember the actual wording. But it stuck with me that I can’t make my parents choices whether I like them or not. My brother and I both weren’t ready for a new person in the family but eventually after a few years we accepted it. And I take that with me now when it comes to just not letting other peoples choices I feel aren’t good get in the ay of my relationship with that person I more close to. It their life not mine. If they ask I will try to be honest but respectful. My uncle taught me that in one single sentence on a camping trip.
Being Kicked Out
Moving a few years ahead into my life, I come to when I was kicked out. Now some may think, “Oh, wow I am so sorry.” Don’t be. I’m not really upset about it anymore. I don’t really have a reaction to it only that it prompted my having to grow up a tad faster as a result.
I was dating my now first ex husband. I did work but my dating him caused a riff between my mother and I and she didn’t like how I was being, she didn’t like him. One night after calling to say I wouldn’t be home, I was 19 at the time, I got a phone call the next morning on New Years Eve that I wasn’t allowed to be there anymore. I was homeless for a short time. Maybe two weeks. I stayed at a friends house. He has since passed on. While working and looking for a place. Which isn’t as easy as it seems when you have no rental history. What being kicked out taught me was that I had to et up very quickly and be an adult. I was 19 and honestly I should have been in college or something and already on my own. I had initially planned on being in college at this time. But I failed to follow my own plans and there I was. But I was far from having needed to grow up at this point. No. No, it would take until three years ago that I had to really experience even more and I can say right now I don’t think anyone can say there’s a point where you are all grown up and experienced. Some grow up early. Kids having to get a job at a young age to help their parents for what ever reason or maybe they have to take care of a sibling. Some people don’t grow up at all, I can name at least two who are now in their early forties that will NEVER grow up. And they are far from a Peter Pan version of not growing up. I watch coming of age stories and mine is not near like I see or read about. My dad would say he is just now growing up and he’s . . . over the hill. Love you dad.
Left: Woman Placing Her Finger Between Her Lips by Kat Jayne at Pexels.com Top Right: Red Amazon Danbo on Brown Wooden Surface by Burak Kostak at Pexels.com Bottom Right: Man sitting Near Wall by Skitterphoto at Pexels.com
My Second Divorce and Surviving Abuse
My first marriage and first divorce didn’t affect me quite as much as the second time around. I really don’t want to go into detail but my second husband came off as charming to my former and naive self. I was just barely leaving one relationship and jumping into the fire with another never a good thing. Give yourself space, I am so serious. So, as someone in my family said, I don’t remember who, I was too close to the forest to see the trees. It, in my mind started out fine. But looking back I am horribly wrong. Red flags everywhere.
When I left my ex, I fled across state I had said I was going on vacation to visit family and had my kids and my cat with me. When all honesty I was leaving. So, my ex knew the city of which I went, therefore protecting myself from legal issue involving kids (take that very serious folks) but I never said exactly where I was. The first day was so hard. I cried uncontrollably. I practically wanted to go back because I was so scared. For a week after it was like being off meds and I had an itch I couldn’t scratch. I stayed with a friend for three months. My mind wasn’t at all in the right state for 9 months after I left. Then I lived in a hotel in another city. I did work. I had so much to deal with it wasn’t until an old friend said I wasn’t taking it seriously enough that I felt a bit angry and made my life so busy enough that no one can say I don’t take it seriously enough now. I was so scared of being in a shelter I lived in hotels for four months. My parents paid for a short stay once, my church helped for several. I bounced between one hotel that I was at for three months to three others for the other two months of the total five months. Then finally, even while working, I wasn’t able to stay at hotels. I HAD to go to a shelter. And it terrified me. before I ever did I did try looking for a place. But a mix of things made that impossible to accomplish.
The first shelter felt like a prison. You woke up at 5:30 AM every day even on the weekend. You had an hour and a half to get dressed and ready and be out of your doorless room for breakfast at 6:30. You weren’t allowed back in until 4PM. You had to be inspected and turn in phones that had to be turned off. Then you had to bathe and could relax a bit until dinner at 6. After that it was church services or being in the back yard. You weren’t allowed in your room until 7 when you had to get ready for the kids to go to bed and you did chores and had to be in bed by 8:30 unless you were working and in which case you still had to do chores at whatever time you got in and go straight to bed. At 7am we were effectively not allowed in the building but couldn’t leave until your morning chore was done. It didn’t matter what season you living there. It was every. Single. Day. On occasion if it was too hot, as in my experience, they would let you sit and hang out in the dining area but you were allowed to go back in your room. The kids could play outside in the play area. If you were awaiting a call they had to call the shelter and ask for you. Even for work. They had lunches for people but they weren’t very appetizing. I worked so I could just get the kids lunch after I left. Since I worked I did have daycare. On days I didn’t work I was trying to stay out of the heat.
The second shelter came right as I was about to have to leave the other. The other you were only allowed to stay for a month and then you would have to leave for a month and if you still needed a place to stay then you could come back It was so other people had a chance of having a bed to sleep on. The new shelter I only learned about through a lady that worked at a dollar store who had happened to have been previously homeless. I was on a wait list. I had to be in a different shelter to qualify. There were others shelter like this. But this one has a good rep. I got in just as my month at the then current shelter was up so I took up the opportunity to go the net day. I didn’t have to work so it was perfect timing. I was so happy to leave. There’s things at the old shelter I wont mention that made it feel like a prison I cried so much before being allowed to return each day at 4. The only thing I liked was the head manager. She was lovely. The rest of the staff was not nice.
I spent a year and a half at the second shelter. I paid rent. I did community service to help pay for half of my rent. I worked for a time until my daughters medical needs prompted me to have to quit the “9-5”. There I didn’t have horrid food made for me. I got to cook for myself which was great because my daughter has a specific diet. I didn’t have to be kicked out during the day I just had to note when I left and came back in. Even when taking out garbage. I had classes to take. It was here that I took anger management and learned so much. I recommend it to everyone. You will never know what issues you have that you aren’t aware of until you attend. I took it because at this point in the grieving process of my divorce, I was at the anger stage. And letting it out on people I care about. I also started getting counseling which I sought out myself after a bad anxiety attack. It was at this shelter I found help to get divorced at a reduced cost. The divorce took up until a few months before I got into my own apartment. I still keep in touch with the staff. They became such helpful people. A great support when I needed it the most. Gosh, this is long. While in saying all of this my homelessness and escape from abuse taught me that I can do it on my own. It’s hard. But I can do it.
I would write more but I think this is a decently lengthy post. In the end, how this brought me into Avon and this blog is that while being homeless I felt like makeup gave me a new start to who I was. I felt better about myself. It wasn’t until last year that I started to sell Avon, I had sold many years before but started selling again. I decided on the blog as a way to reach more people, meet other bloggers, and also hopefully monetize off of a website and making it easier to earn somewhat of a living as a single mom of three with one being 24-7 care.
What are some of the life-changing moments you have had? Share in the comments.